This blog is just about my life and mostly revolves around my son, Jamie. This blog is a combination of everything, whether it may be a new recipe I tried, a good freebie I found, something funny Jamie said, or feelings I'm having about life in general. There's little rhyme or reason. I'll never win any blogging awards, but I enjoy writing about our lives and I mostly do it for my son. It's so easy to forget moments over the years. I've got all these little tidbits of our life in print and I hope that someday Jamie can enjoy them.

I called this blog Mother of Life, Mother of Loss because of my issues with pregnancy loss and the joy of finally bringing this wonderful person into the world. Truly, I feel the pains of loss, but you won't see too much of that here. I am blessed and I am, above all else, a mother of life.

After all the years of infertility and loss, Matthew and I were blessed with a surprise pregnancy. We were pregnant with twins, but unfortunately, Baby A could not stay with us. Baby B grew into a healthy and happy baby girl that we named Bella Marie. We are so blessed to have two beautiful children.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

He's On the Waiting List

I am so confused. Yesterday, when I talked to the lady from the preschool she said she had a spot held for Jamie and that we needed to get the paperwork to her by today. When Matt took the paperwork to the school they said that they would put Jamie on the waiting list. I don't know what's going on.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Finally Got the Paperwork!!

Well, I finally have the paperwork together. It took combining what my husband picked up today and the incorrect paperwork we got last week, but it's done. Matt's going to drop it by the preschool on his way to work in the morning. Maybe Jamie will start school next week. I'm not sure how fast things will happen.

I guess I need to go school shopping. I've barely bought any winter clothes yet and it's cold out. This is not a good pay day for that so it will have to be minimal until the 13th.

I still need to go find him a Halloween costume. He wants to be a spider, but I haven't seen one around that was affordable and he liked. They had a silly one at Walmart, but he just said, "No Mommy. That's not right." Please, let me find something he likes that doesn't cost an arm and a leg. Last year I wished that he cared about his costume so he could pick one out. Now I wish he'd be happy with anything!

Hurry Up and Wait for the Paperwork!

The preschool called today. They have a spot they're holding for Jamie, but they need the paperwork from his doctor now. Ugh, this is so frustrating. I don't know why getting his paperwork is so difficult. Originally we were told 24 hours, now it's two weeks later and we still don't have the paperwork.

Matt's going up to the office right now to try and get it and wait for it if they don't have it ready. The school wants it by tomorrow in order to keep Jamie's spot.

Pancakes for Lunch

We had a great lunch today. Jamie and I made home made pancakes and not so home made blueberry muffins. We were out of granulated sugar so I had to improvise and use brown sugar, but they turned out heavenly just the same. I measured out ingredients and he put them in the bowl and then he stirred them. I let him pour the pancakes onto the skillet, but I did the flipping. They really turned out perfect (despite the look of the picture). I love cooking with my little man.

White Lily Pancakes found at

Prep Time: 10 min Cooking Time: 15 min Makes: 8 servings

1 1/4 cups White Lily® Self-Rising Flour
2 tablespoons sugar
1 cup milk
1 large egg
1 tablespoon Crisco® Pure Vegetable Oil

1. Heat griddle to 400 degrees or heat lightly oiled skillet until a few droplets of water sprinkled on surface evaporate quickly.
2. Combine flour and sugar in mixing bowl. Combine milk, egg, and oil. Add liquid ingredients to flour mixture. Stir just until well blended. (Batter will be lumpy.)
3. Pour about 1/4 cup batter into hot griddle for each pancake. Cook until golden brown, turning once. Serve warm


I've finally perfected our version of this.

We use one tablespoon of brown sugar and one of granulated sugar.

I use canola oil.

I add a whole bunch of Cinnamon, along with a tiny bit of nutmeg and ginger.

These are awesome with or without syrup.

Monday, October 20, 2008

More Paperwork Delays

I called to check on Jamie's paperwork... again. They did receive it. There was a note left in his file for them to fax it to us. When both Matthew and I spoke to them on the phone they said they would fax it back within 24 hours. Well, today I was told that it wasn't done because they do not fax this sort of paperwork. UGH, I could pull my hair out. Fine, I'll drive the half hour to pick it up! When can I get it. Not until tomorrow afternoon.

The preschool called today because they had an enrollment meeting and wanted to know if he was coming. I said that he was, I was just waiting on the paperwork from his pediatricians office. I have everything else. She said to call as soon as we got it. I sure hope he doesn't lose his spot. He might not be able to get in at all if we lose it.

Saturday, October 18, 2008


I love my pediatrician. I wouldn't change for the world, but his office seems very disorganized. I know that they must be incredibly busy, but whenever I need something, I can't seem to get it. Last year when I was trying to get a refer, it took months to just get the phone number of the place they were referring him to. Now, I need his health record to enroll him in preschool. They said it would only take 24 hours, but when I called to check on it they said they never got the fax. We have now faxed it 3 times, double checked the number, and still have had no response. Hopefully we can get this cleared up on Monday because available spots at the preschool could be lost.

I've got all my paperwork filled out and ready to go, except for getting a copy of his birth certificate. I have my mother's copy from the hospital, but haven't ordered the official copy. I don't know why I haven't ever done that.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Observation Day - Visiting the Preschool

We went to the preschool today so they could observe Jamie. He was pretty cranky because he had to get up early and his schedule is all messed up. He wouldn't even eat breakfast. I packed a snack for the road, but he never ate it.

He was really shy at the school. It took him a while to talk, but he came around. At one point he even wanted the psychologist to keep her arm around him. At first they were saying that he wasn't really eligible because he didn't have any educational deficits. They even canceled the speech evaluation because he clearly didn't have any speech issues. The only area they were concerned about regarding his vocabulary was that he could not or would not answer when, what, where, & who type question like "What is Humpty Dumpty sitting on?" or "What does the bunny like to eat?" and "Where do you go to buy food?"

They noted his rigid thinking and told me to work on that with him as well. I have heard of rigid thinking, but I didn't realize that always acknowledging him when he wants us to look at something was part of that. They noted that he needed a lot of control and we had to curb that. It's going to be really hard to do, but we will do our best to do as they have instructed. We just thought he was it was normal and part of the stage we lovingly (and exasperatedly) refer to as the "Me Do Stage". This is a term we coined when Brianna was little and started wanting to do everything for herself. They observed what they and the doctor called "OCD like behavior." Having to do things a certain way. Having to have things in a certain order. For example, they played with the nesting bowls. If they took them apart one by one he would only put them back together one by one, but if they took them apart in threes, he put them back together in threes. They played with shapes from the new candy land game that you put shapes on a Ginger Bread man that has cut outs of that shape. One one side of the shape they had written the name of the school in sharpie to keep them together. Jamie always had to have them up in the same direction. All the words had to be up or none could be up. When he wasn't looking they turned one over to see if he'd notice and he noticed immediately and fixed it.

They talked about how smart he was. They seemed really impressed with his writing when I showed them. They said that I had done an amazing job teaching him. I told him that I didn't do it. Jamie learns on his own and does everything on his own terms. He just lets me in sometimes. I told them that my biggest concern was that I didn't know how to teach him. I can't even imagine what all he might be able to do if he did. I told them how he seems to learn big things over night. We don't even realize that he knew certain things until he blurted something out one day. They said that they suspected he knew things for a while, but he wouldn't share until he knew he had whatever it was perfect. That's why it seemed he came out with amazing skills instantly. He has been perfecting that skill over time in secret.

They kept saying that they didn't think he would qualify, but then they started talking amongst themselves about ways they could get him in. I don't know how they finally figured it out, but they gave us paperwork to fill out and said that they had a few 4 year olds that just left and they had space. He would be on a waiting list, but they'd be able to get him in fast, but we should hurry and get the paperwork to them. I've got to call his pediatrician and get one form filled out, otherwise we would have it all done today.

I almost cried, though, when they asked him if he wanted to go to school there. I felt tears well up in my eyes and I laughed and told them, "What are you going to do if I cry when he starts school?" They said that on the first day they have boxes of tissues available and they're used to lots of tears. When they learned that my niece, McKalah, was there they took us on a tour of sorts and took Jamie to see her. She was out in the "bike yard" where her class was riding tricycles. They were excited to see each other and Jamie was disappointed he couldn't stay. Everything we passed he said he wanted to do. "I want to paint", "I want to play music", "I want to swing". He wanted to start school today.

They have parent volunteers and you can bet your last dime that I'll be volunteering. I'm happy that there is an opportunity to be involved, but I have mixed emotions about him going. I never really thought I would send him to preschool. I want to be with him. I thought I had one more year just the two of us. I'll miss things. Every single day he says and does things that I don't want to miss out on. I'll miss a lot when he's at school. I don't know these people I'll be entrusting my precious boy to. On the other hand, I know he will have a wonderful time and that he really wants to go. I guess this is the best thing, but I can't help but worry.

After we left, to cheer him up that he didn't get to stay, Matthew and I took Jamie to the playground. He had fun, but wanted to know where the other children were. The place was empty. I told him that they were at school. He said, "They'll be here soon?" Poor kid.

After the paperwork is done we'll call and set up an appointment. His doctor's office promised to have the forms filled out and faxed to us within 24 hours. The preschool will do a short evaluation of him and then I guess he'll start school. I'm not sure how quickly that happens. I have a feeling that nobody is ever going to give us a flat out diagnosis and that's okay. Maybe after some time in school he won't even have any issues. I don't really know.

My Hurts Tummy

Jamie didn't eat very well today. He kept asking for certain foods and I would give them to him, but then he wouldn't eat them. He pretty much only had yogurt for dinner. When bedtime came he said his tummy hurt. He was holding his stomach and I knew the little guy must be hungry. I offered him a peanut butter sandwich. Dramatically he said, "The hurts too big in my tummy." I started to become concerned that perhaps he had developed a stomach virus which explained his poor eating through the day when he said, "Uuuum, what about candy."

Monday, October 13, 2008

Sleeping in the Car Seat

Just wanted to share a quick pic of Jamie sleeping in his car seat. He looks so cute, but also so big. I can't believe how fast he's growing!

My Little Writer

Last night Jamie really got into a mood to write words. I got some index cards out and he would tell me the word he wanted to know how to spell and I would write it down for him. Then he would write in on his dry erase board and draw a picture that represented the word that he wrote. He didn't get it perfect and after awhile he got a little frustrated with that so I had to end out little session, but we'll keep working on that. I think he did really good. I tried to get him to work with just 3 or 4 letter words but he insisted on bigger ones. I drew the line when he wanted to write flashlight because I wouldn't have been able to fit it on the card.

McKalah's 5th Birthday Party

My niece McKalah turned 5 on October 2nd. She had her party on the 4th at the park. The kids played with silly string. They ate subs and chips followed by cake & ice cream from Kroger. The kids really didn't like the cake. I don't think any of them ate more than a bite or two. I felt kind of bad for my brother and sister-in-law because they paid extra for a half sheet cake and nobody really like it. They loved the ice cream, though. And what could be more perfect at the park on pretty day. The silly string was a big hit. Kids and grown ups alike partook of the festivities. Jamie was afraid of it at first but quickly got caught up in the fun. He always takes a little while to join in.

Get a Free Box of Uncle Bens Long Grain & Wild Rice

I found this in my latest O Magazine. It's really a buy one get one free coupon. Hey, every little bit helps.


1. Go to
2. Enter promo code RICE
3. Print the coupon

I really like uncle bens long grain & wild rice so this is a great coupon for me.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

I've recently had a pretty big falling out with a friend. To say that there is no hope for reconciliation would be the understatement of the century. Even though I know I don't need her in my life, this has all the feelings of a bad breakup. I've been through plenty of breakups in my life, but this is a new experience. I've never had a child involved in any breakup before.

I miss the old relationship, but my son misses his friends, too. You see, she had two children that are close to Jamie in age and he loved going over to her house. I thought we were so close that I wanted her her to be the one that got Jamie if anything ever happened to Matthew and I. I let her watch Jamie and I really don't let anyone do that. I trusted her and she hurt me worse than any boyfriend who dumped me ever did, but I'm not going to get into that here.

Jamie and I went to her home fairly frequently and he asks to go all the time. What I want to say is, "So and so is mean and we can never see her again." Way wrong thing, huh? Another thing I want to do is throw out every remnant of her existence out of my house. That would be pretty hard since most of those are his. I can't delete pictures that involve her because I would have to delete his birthdays and special occasions. I can't get rid of the gifts she gave him. I'm torn between hating her and missing her. He just misses his friends. It's as simple as that. He has no idea why we can't go see them ever again. I don't know what to tell him.

Who knew that even after you are all grown up and happily married, you could still experience the heart wrenching pain of a bad breakup?

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Super Why

Can I just say that I love PBS Kids Super Why. I looked it up on the PBS Kids website and the learning games are amazing. Jamie is spelling and retaining the information. It's awesome. If you haven't checked it out for your little one, you should. It's at

Jamie has been going around the house today spelling words. I love it.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Getting the Appointment Through the School System

Well, we finally got an appointment through the school system for Tuesday the 14th. The lady I spoke with asked many questions on the phone. I told her the things that I didn't think fit autism, but she said that they really did. I also told her of mine and his doctors more specific concerns and what happened at his 4 year appointment.

So Tuesday will just be observation with a psychologist and occupational therapist. On Thursday the 23rd the speech team will evaluate him. At that point they will decide if he needs a full evaluation and we'll go from there.

She did say that with language delays they wouldn't look at Aspergers. Aspergers does not present with language delays.

Friday, October 3, 2008

The Flu Vaccine

Why can't answers to your child's health just be black and white. You do this, you don't do this.

Well, somehow I neglecting to realize it's the beginning of flu season and the doctor asked if I wanted to give him the flu vaccination. I was totally unprepared and still haven't read up enough on it to make an informed decision.

It's so difficult to research these things. Everyone has an opinion. Everyone has a study saying it's safe and saying it's dangerous. I got him his Hep A vaccine today. I've never questioned the need for MMR, etc. But what about the flu?

Well, I declined it so I didn't have to make an on the spot decision that might not be in his best interest. Of course, I come home to a new parents magazine and the first article I open the magazine to is about a little girl who died due to complications of the flu and an organization that promotes flu shots.

I must admit, when it comes to this stuff I feel lost. What's a mom to do?

Jamie's Four Year Appointment

We're back from the doctor. He said he didn't believe Jamie had celiac disease. He believes we would have seen severe stomach pains and so on. Also, Jamie jumped his growth curve. He's in the 95% for height and around the 75% for weight. Certainly no signs of malnutrition there. I was surprised about the jump in his weight curve. He says it's possible, but he thinks that we will be fine to just watch him.

We're back to Autism, though. At first I thought he was going to say that Jamie was just fine. He talked about his marked improvement in speech and that he didn't even really see that he was behind anymore. I was a little surprised at that, though I knew he had some sort of language explosion over the last month. He again observed Jamie coloring and playing. Everyone talked about how smart Jamie is. He did some little tests, like messing up his lined up crayons to see how he reacted. He had him walk and noted he walked on his toes. I told him about taking Jamie to the specialist and that he didn't do a full evaluation, but that he was only really concerned about his speech at the time.

I swear that Jamie's pediatrician looks like he's getting ready to tell you that your kid is dying when he gives bad news. "There's something there." That's how he said it. He said he would help me get through the waiting lists and find him some assistance.

I had honestly started to think that maybe Jamie's issues were a figment of my imagination, reading too much, etc. I was afraid to talk about them or even bring them up. I didn't bring it up at this appointment, outside of asking about celiac disease. I felt stupid after going to the specialist and he said that he was advanced in his non-verbal skills but behind on his verbal skills. I thought I was just an idiot and it was just his speech all along. Now his speech is caught up and there is still a problem. When we found out about Matt's sister having celiac disease I thought, "Maybe I'm not crazy. Maybe that's the answer." I just don't know, but the clock is ticking until kindergarten.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

333 - 3 Chicken Breasts, 3 Meals, for my Family of 3

We have to live on a very small budget right now. I can take 3 chicken breasts and make three meals out of it for my family of three..

Breast 1.

Cheep Chicken and Dumplings
(My family loves it despite the cheating)

I use this as the first meal so I can use the stock from boiling the chicken. My family only eats white meat.

Boil all three pieces of chicken. I add a can of chicken broth to the water after I'm done boiling and break up one breast by hand into the pot. I put the other two away for the next two days.

Then I use Pillsbury buttermilk biscuits (in the 4 pack rolls) and pinch off little balls and drop them into the pot (while still boiling, but turn to medium heat). I use all four rolls because my family eats a ton of it. I add a bit of salt and pepper and let it cook until the dumplings are done and the broth thickens a little.

Open a can of green beans, makes some stove top, and voila. Dinner is served.

Breast 2.

Chicken Tator Tot Casserole
Preheat Oven to 350

-2lbs Tator Tots
-1 can peas
-Leftover Chicken (even layer)
-1 can cream of mushroom soup
-1 can cream of chicken soup
- grated cheddar cheese (enough to cover pan)

Cover bottom of cake pan with tator tots. Drain the peas and spread them evenly over tots. Add a layer of chicken on top. Mix together your cream of mushroom soup & cream of chicken soup with 1 can of water. Spread evenly over the top of chicken. Top with cheese to taste. Bake until cheese is starting to brown. (approx 30 min)

Breast 3

Chicken Stir Fry

Break the last breast up and make a big stir fry. I usually use broccoli, peppers, and onions. You could buy bagged veggies already mixed for this sort of fry or cut up your own. It's amazing how far that breast will go, but be sure and save a good sized one for this meal.

Steam or boil some rice and you're good to go.