This blog is just about my life and mostly revolves around my son, Jamie. This blog is a combination of everything, whether it may be a new recipe I tried, a good freebie I found, something funny Jamie said, or feelings I'm having about life in general. There's little rhyme or reason. I'll never win any blogging awards, but I enjoy writing about our lives and I mostly do it for my son. It's so easy to forget moments over the years. I've got all these little tidbits of our life in print and I hope that someday Jamie can enjoy them.

I called this blog Mother of Life, Mother of Loss because of my issues with pregnancy loss and the joy of finally bringing this wonderful person into the world. Truly, I feel the pains of loss, but you won't see too much of that here. I am blessed and I am, above all else, a mother of life.

After all the years of infertility and loss, Matthew and I were blessed with a surprise pregnancy. We were pregnant with twins, but unfortunately, Baby A could not stay with us. Baby B grew into a healthy and happy baby girl that we named Bella Marie. We are so blessed to have two beautiful children.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I'm Still Here!

I keep meaning to blog. Life is passing me by so quickly. So much has happened and there is so much to share. I don't think I can get this blog properly updated! After looking at a few blogs about sensory processing disorders I feel motivated to write this morning. Why, do you ask. Well, last month the mystery of what is going on with Jamie was finally solved, at least in part. After testing we found that he does not have Asperger's Syndrome like we have thought for the past three years. He has sensory processing disorder. I'm still learning the basics of what this means. I don't think we've done much more than scratch the surface and I have no idea, yet, how to help Jamie. We haven't even shared the information with most people.

You probably want to know about baby Bella, first, though. She is fine. Just this week she has a clear nose for the very first time in her life. We are very excited about this. It seems crazy, but when your baby has never been able to breath easily, a little thing like a clear nose is a big deal. She seems to be perfectly healthy and happy.

I swore that I was not going to worry over her size like we did Jamie when he was a baby. We were constantly trying to get him to gain weight, just to learn as he grew that he was just built that way. Bella is a little chunkier than Jamie, but she is still in the fifteenth percentile. However, her head circumference is in the third percentile. I'm trying to keep my word about not worrying about size, but I must admit I worry a tiny bit. She is meeting all her milestones, though, and there is no reason to think that anything at all is wrong with her. She is absolutely beautiful!

Now, a little about me. I'm not sure if I've written about this here or not. I don't think so. After I gave birth to Jamie I got pancreatitis. To make a long story short, I refused to be hospitalized because I had a newborn. Taking all that medication effectively ended my breast feeding days, which broke my heart and saddens me to this day. After the pancreatitis was over, I got swollen lymph nodes in my stomach. This was really painful. It was more painful than the pancreatitis. I always kind of thought that it was all somehow related to my pregnancy, but couldn't be sure. Jamie was about three months old when it happened.

Fast forward to present. I have pancreatitis again. I got it about a month ago and it is still not over. Again, I did not go into the hospital. Sometimes I wish I had. I saw a GI last week and he thinks I have autoimmune pancreatitis, which would explain why it happens when I give birth. The test that can diffinatively diagnose this is not commercially available, yet, though. I think it's fairly certain. I have positive ANA panels, I have some chronic form of pancreatitis but do not drink alcohol. It explains the swollen lymph nodes I had last time. It also explains other issues that I have had over the years. I might actually be on the verge of clearing up the medical mysteries that have plagued me for most of my life. I don't post this as a negative thing. I'm actually excited because when you have answers, you can often find solutions. I'm tired of being sick. It makes it hard to be the mom I want to be. Everything I do right now is with great effort and that takes a lot of the fun out of it.

I've got to get Jamie ready for school. I promise I'll be back later today to start making actual posts! I really need a new blog background, too. I probably won't get around to that today.

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