This blog is just about my life and mostly revolves around my son, Jamie. This blog is a combination of everything, whether it may be a new recipe I tried, a good freebie I found, something funny Jamie said, or feelings I'm having about life in general. There's little rhyme or reason. I'll never win any blogging awards, but I enjoy writing about our lives and I mostly do it for my son. It's so easy to forget moments over the years. I've got all these little tidbits of our life in print and I hope that someday Jamie can enjoy them.

I called this blog Mother of Life, Mother of Loss because of my issues with pregnancy loss and the joy of finally bringing this wonderful person into the world. Truly, I feel the pains of loss, but you won't see too much of that here. I am blessed and I am, above all else, a mother of life.

After all the years of infertility and loss, Matthew and I were blessed with a surprise pregnancy. We were pregnant with twins, but unfortunately, Baby A could not stay with us. Baby B grew into a healthy and happy baby girl that we named Bella Marie. We are so blessed to have two beautiful children.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Fourth of July Madness

We took Jamie to his uncle's in-laws for the Fourth of July. There were a lot of people and a lot of kids. The kids went and played in a room the size of a closet to play. There were 7 or 8 kids in that tiny room. Jamie kept hitting and kicking. I kept putting him in time out or making him sit with me and my husband. He cried. It was very frustrating.

They had bought sparklers for the kids and gave Jamie one. I didn't really like it. I was afraid one of the kids would get burned, but Jamie wanted one like the other kids. I let him have it and just held his wrist to make sure he didn't touch it or bring it too close to his body.

When the fireworks began Jamie really liked them. He was scared, but he like "the color fire". When they got going he got too scared and had to sit inside. He tried to watch them from the door but had trouble seeing. One of the other children wanted to sit with him. He kept trying to push her out of the way and one of the new teen mothers kept getting on to him even though I was taking care of it. I hate when other parents try to discipline my son when I'm there and I'm trying to discipline him. He really wanted to see the fireworks and began running out the door after the big boom but he'd barely catch the tail end. The teenage mom got on to him for that. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want him running in and out, but he wanted to see and he was scared. He was also yelling and oohing and ahhhing because he liked the colors, but she was jumping on him for that too. It was such a miserable visit when it should have been fun.

When we got home he fell asleep immediately. He woke up about an hour later. He couldn't tell me what was wrong. He kept saying things that were unintelligible. In the midst of one of these sentences (or whatever they were) he said "fire color", so I think it was about the fire works. I don't know if he had a nightmare or what. I tried everything in my power to calm him. My husband and I were both frustrated. He pulled at the covers and when we covered him he'd kick them away. We tried to rub his back and he'd knock our hands away. He rolled around like he was in agony. We left him alone and he came to our room. I pulled him into bed with me and he rolled around, kicked and screamed, wouldn't let us touch him, and curled up into the fetal position at the end of the bed. We thought he had finally calmed down and he started again. He got out of the bed and went to the hallway, then the living room, then back to our bedroom, back toward his room and the play room, then crawled back into our bed. I tried to give him Eeyore (which is his transitional object aka lovey) and he threw him. I hate when he's like this because I don't know what to do to help him and he can't tell me what is wrong.

Eventually he calmed down and he went to sleep with us. In the early morning hours my husband took him to his own bed because we were all uncomfortable. He fussed a little bit about wanting Mommy's bed, but then went on to sleep.

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