This blog is just about my life and mostly revolves around my son, Jamie. This blog is a combination of everything, whether it may be a new recipe I tried, a good freebie I found, something funny Jamie said, or feelings I'm having about life in general. There's little rhyme or reason. I'll never win any blogging awards, but I enjoy writing about our lives and I mostly do it for my son. It's so easy to forget moments over the years. I've got all these little tidbits of our life in print and I hope that someday Jamie can enjoy them.

I called this blog Mother of Life, Mother of Loss because of my issues with pregnancy loss and the joy of finally bringing this wonderful person into the world. Truly, I feel the pains of loss, but you won't see too much of that here. I am blessed and I am, above all else, a mother of life.

After all the years of infertility and loss, Matthew and I were blessed with a surprise pregnancy. We were pregnant with twins, but unfortunately, Baby A could not stay with us. Baby B grew into a healthy and happy baby girl that we named Bella Marie. We are so blessed to have two beautiful children.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Hold My Hand

The old saying that kid's say the darnedest things is so true. This morning I drove my son Jamie down to the bus stop as I always do. We spend these few precious moments together either having Jamie point out objects he sees outside of the van such as a puppy dog or a porch light that is on, or him trying to talk me into letting him have a sucker he found in the glove box. As a daily ritual as soon as the bus pulls up to the van I quickly jump out and run to the other side before Jamie can get out so I can grab his little hand, help him get his back pack, which he NEVER holds by the hand hold at the top as it's meant to be (which causes him to end up dragging it across the road haphazardly holding it by some strap or piece that he can get ahold of), and escorting him to the bus. I'm used to him pulling away sharply and trying to run across the street by himself, with him yelling "I don't wanna hold your hand!", and me running after him, but this morning he offered me a logical reason. As I ran around the van and grabbed his hand he gently pulled his hand away and explained to me "It's okay daddy, I won't get lost!" as he tried to reason his way into not holding my hand. Not wanting to force him to do something he didn't want to, or cause a major early morning meltdown, I conceded that holding his hand was NOT an option. BUT, I was not going to let him cross the street by himself. As he passed by me grinning from ear to ear with his new found freedom and independence, I gently grabbed the back of his jacket without him realizing it, and together we crossed the street. I know as he gets older that he'll want to do more things on his own, and someday not even want me around. Just the thought of that makes me sad. But in the future, just as in today, whether he knows it or not I'll always be there for him.

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