This blog is just about my life and mostly revolves around my son, Jamie. This blog is a combination of everything, whether it may be a new recipe I tried, a good freebie I found, something funny Jamie said, or feelings I'm having about life in general. There's little rhyme or reason. I'll never win any blogging awards, but I enjoy writing about our lives and I mostly do it for my son. It's so easy to forget moments over the years. I've got all these little tidbits of our life in print and I hope that someday Jamie can enjoy them.

I called this blog Mother of Life, Mother of Loss because of my issues with pregnancy loss and the joy of finally bringing this wonderful person into the world. Truly, I feel the pains of loss, but you won't see too much of that here. I am blessed and I am, above all else, a mother of life.

After all the years of infertility and loss, Matthew and I were blessed with a surprise pregnancy. We were pregnant with twins, but unfortunately, Baby A could not stay with us. Baby B grew into a healthy and happy baby girl that we named Bella Marie. We are so blessed to have two beautiful children.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

It's Just Me Today

Sometimes it feels like I miss out on everything. Matthew's sister got tickets to go to the Tutankhamun exhibit in Atlanta and invited him. She said she had presents for Jamie and really wanted to spend some time with him. Matthew misunderstood and thought she had tickets for the whole family, but she really just meant him and Jamie. Matthew was very upset and said we could buy my tickets, but I had to be the voice of reason, even though I didn't want to be. It's just not in the budget right now.

This will officially be the farthest away from Jamie I have ever been. He'll be four hours away from me and if anything happened I wouldn't have any way to get to him. I'm sure if something bad happened I'd find some way, but it's disconcerting to be so far away. I packed changes of clothing in case Jamie had an accident. I packed his pajamas so Matthew could change him before putting him in the car to come home. That way he can just slip him into bed when he gets here. I put Jamie's favorite blanket in the van so he can sleep with it. I made snacks and sandwiches so Matthew wouldn't have to go out to eat. I put some DVDs in the van so Jamie can watch movies if he doesn't sleep on the way home. I also packed a few pocket sized toys. I charged the camera and put it in the bag. I tried to think of everything so that the trip will go smoothly for both of them.

Jamie will be seeing things I've dreamed of seeing in real life. I hope he will remember it when he is older. Matthew and I both have a great love of archeology and ancient history. I remember the moment when I first realized the correlation between the Exodus and the pharaohs of Egypt. Until that point, the story of the Exodus was little more to me than a fairy tale. The Bible was just another story book. Suddenly, the realization that the history of scholars and the history of religion were truly one and the same. History and Christianity were both suddenly real and tangible.

I imagine that my naive epiphany is rare and not generally the catalyst for faith. I guess God finds what speaks to us as individuals. I'm not expecting Jamie to go have a religious moment at the museum. It would not be a religious moment for me if I was there. I just hope that it starts nurturing a love of learning. Lessons in school can only go so far. If there's a spark that ignites a burning in your soul to learn, you enjoy gaining knowledge for the sake of gaining knowledge. It's so much more rewarding than learning your lessons because you have to. I find it inexplicably poignant to be in the room with items that people who lived thousands of years ago touched, created, and lived with. If you don't think that way, then you could never understand what I mean. I could never explain this to you in words. It's something that you feel.

Well, morning for my little family has arrived. I hear Matthew's alarm clock going off. He's already hit the snooze and he'll continue to do so until I drag him out of bed. It's hard to get up this early. It would be very hard for me if I had slept last night. I guess I've got all day to sleep if I get tired. It's just me today. Maybe Matthew will write about his trip this time.

0 Remarks: