This blog is just about my life and mostly revolves around my son, Jamie. This blog is a combination of everything, whether it may be a new recipe I tried, a good freebie I found, something funny Jamie said, or feelings I'm having about life in general. There's little rhyme or reason. I'll never win any blogging awards, but I enjoy writing about our lives and I mostly do it for my son. It's so easy to forget moments over the years. I've got all these little tidbits of our life in print and I hope that someday Jamie can enjoy them.

I called this blog Mother of Life, Mother of Loss because of my issues with pregnancy loss and the joy of finally bringing this wonderful person into the world. Truly, I feel the pains of loss, but you won't see too much of that here. I am blessed and I am, above all else, a mother of life.

After all the years of infertility and loss, Matthew and I were blessed with a surprise pregnancy. We were pregnant with twins, but unfortunately, Baby A could not stay with us. Baby B grew into a healthy and happy baby girl that we named Bella Marie. We are so blessed to have two beautiful children.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Dying Dreams

Matthew and I were watching a television special about a family with 17 kids (not the Duggers). At some point in the show one of the kids said something about it being nice to have brothers and sisters because you always have someone to fall back on. I wasn't paying attention to it and missed this sentiment altogether, but Matthew became misty eyed. He told me a little while later that he wished he could give that to Jamie. We never wanted 17, but we had dreamed of a large family.

A large family is not in the cards for us. We have many babies in Heaven, but only the one on Earth and it is very likely to remain that way. It makes me very sad and sometimes I just get angry at this body of mine. We have lost so much due to my body. We lost our chance for a large family, our financial security, and all the little things that come with both.

I was at my mother-in-law's house the other day and my husband's aunt asked me for the millionth time if we were going to have anymore. I said that I doubted we would. She said, "Good. God didn't intend for you to have babies. You'll probably die if you have anymore." I'm so tired of hearing crap like that. It really pisses me off. I'm tired of people telling me what God means and God wants. I've read it in magazines. I've heard it in so many different forms from so many different people. They just need to stop.

0 Remarks: