This blog is just about my life and mostly revolves around my son, Jamie. This blog is a combination of everything, whether it may be a new recipe I tried, a good freebie I found, something funny Jamie said, or feelings I'm having about life in general. There's little rhyme or reason. I'll never win any blogging awards, but I enjoy writing about our lives and I mostly do it for my son. It's so easy to forget moments over the years. I've got all these little tidbits of our life in print and I hope that someday Jamie can enjoy them.

I called this blog Mother of Life, Mother of Loss because of my issues with pregnancy loss and the joy of finally bringing this wonderful person into the world. Truly, I feel the pains of loss, but you won't see too much of that here. I am blessed and I am, above all else, a mother of life.

After all the years of infertility and loss, Matthew and I were blessed with a surprise pregnancy. We were pregnant with twins, but unfortunately, Baby A could not stay with us. Baby B grew into a healthy and happy baby girl that we named Bella Marie. We are so blessed to have two beautiful children.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Where Did Dynisha Go?

Dynisha decided to go back home. I waited to post about it until I knew what was going on. Brianna told her that her mother didn't love her anymore because she left her. Dynisha believed it and didn't want her mother to be mad at her. I think she also got confused because my mother-in-law called me to bring her stuff home. I bagged it all up and Matthew took it to her. She asked why we brought all her stuff back. Matthew told her he thought she wanted it. I wish I had been there to talk to her. I think it gave her a message that we didn't want her anymore, too, no matter what we say now.

About a week ago my father-in-law brought her by because she wanted to spend the night. He didn't call before coming. I had contracted strep throat from Jamie and spiked a fever of 104. When they got here I told them about my fever and said that Dynisha was welcome, but she'd probably be better off not coming that day and possibly getting sick, too. My father-in-law agreed and made her go home. I really do think it was the best decision, but I'm afraid it could have reinforced the idea that I didn't want her here.

She came last week with her sister when her Pap was put in the hospital. I didn't get a chance to talk to her alone and I regret that. She spoke on her blog like she was forced to come here and I certainly don't want her to feel like she shouldn't be here. I want her to know that I love her and I want her. I just couldn't really talk to her with Brianna here. I did make it clear to both girls that they are both welcome here anytime. I just think I need to sit down and talk to Dynisha one on one.

Jamie cried for her for several nights. He really had a melt down the night that we packed her clothes up. Jamie's been sleeping in "her room" since she left. I think it makes him feel closer to her. The poor little guy keeps getting attached to girls living with us, first McKalah and now Dynisha, and then they are ripped away and he hardly ever sees them. I think he's lonely.

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