Appearance

Sometimes I feel like a teenager still, and not in a good way. I feel so awkward and self-conscious at times. I feel like I don't put out the image I want to project. My clothes never seem to fit just right and I don't think I have a good sense of style, at least when it comes to dressing myself. I want to look stylish, poised, and well put together. I just never seem to pull it off. I worry about being over-weight. I worry about my hair. If I put try to wear it curly it falls flat, if I try to wear it straight it frizzes, not to mention it has become really thin. I worry about my face, little burst capillaries on my nose, a few wrinkles that I feel I'm too young to have. I can spend an hour doing my makeup and a few minutes later I look worse than when I started. When do I get to stop worrying about these things?

I take a lot of pride in Jamie's appearance. His clothes are very important to me. I always want him to have the cutest clothes. I want the same thing for myself, but I can't seem to do it. I think my appearance is going to be especially important next fall when school starts. I want to make a good impression on teachers and other parents. You don't get a second chance at a first impression, you know. I don't want them to see a sloppy mom. I don't want to look like I don't care. Obviously, I do.

I try to tell myself that appearances don't really matter, but let's be honest, they do. Appearances matter a lot in this world.