This blog is just about my life and mostly revolves around my son, Jamie. This blog is a combination of everything, whether it may be a new recipe I tried, a good freebie I found, something funny Jamie said, or feelings I'm having about life in general. There's little rhyme or reason. I'll never win any blogging awards, but I enjoy writing about our lives and I mostly do it for my son. It's so easy to forget moments over the years. I've got all these little tidbits of our life in print and I hope that someday Jamie can enjoy them.

I called this blog Mother of Life, Mother of Loss because of my issues with pregnancy loss and the joy of finally bringing this wonderful person into the world. Truly, I feel the pains of loss, but you won't see too much of that here. I am blessed and I am, above all else, a mother of life.

After all the years of infertility and loss, Matthew and I were blessed with a surprise pregnancy. We were pregnant with twins, but unfortunately, Baby A could not stay with us. Baby B grew into a healthy and happy baby girl that we named Bella Marie. We are so blessed to have two beautiful children.

Friday, March 6, 2009

In the Wee Hours of Morning

Jamie's midnight tantrums are peaking again. For the last three or four weeks he has awakened, between 1:00am and 4:00am, on a nightly basis screaming and crying. At the onset he was able to tell me why he was crying. "I need a drink of water!", "I want my Eeyore!", "I'm hungry!" As time has passed he has become unable to speak words during these wee morning hours, which frustrate all of us and leave us all tired and cranky in the morning. The more Matthew and I try to guess what will appease our angry little boy, the angrier he seems to become. No amount of soothing will comfort, in fact, no amount will be accepted. He gets angry if you talk to him, touch him, try to tuck him back in, offer him a drink, etc. He's even hurled Eeyore around his bed in frustration.

Last night I tried everything to calm him and when I could find nothing else to do I left him room and went to my own. I listened from there, heartbroken and worn out, as he cried for what seemed like an eternity. Matthew got out of bed and tried his hand at calming him, as well. Nothing could be done so he too returned to our bed.

As a mother there is nothing so frustrating as a child who is upset, maybe even hurting, and you have no discernible way of comforting them or easing their suffering. It is a dark time when you must walk away, having tried everything. All I wanted to do was wrap him in my arms and rock him back to sleep, but my mere touch seemed to offend him. Being pushed away when it seems he needed me the most was hard. I wish someone could give me a clue what to do here. I wish I could read his mind just a little. When there is no comfort for him, there is no comfort for me.

2 Remarks:

Ashley March 6, 2009 at 4:19 PM  

I came across your blog and am greatly enjoying it so far! My son went through what sound very much like the same thing Jamie is doing a year ago. After much research, I THINK they might've been night terrors. You might research them and see if they sound similar to what you are experiencing in your home. Hunter (my son) was the same way - we had to just walk away. I will pray for a peaceful night in your home tonight! Good luck!

Laura March 10, 2009 at 8:00 AM  

Thank you. I'm not sure what's going on. My mother-in-law seems to think he's sleep walking. She says Matthew did when he was little. I really don't think that is it. I've thought about night terrors. That's a distinct possibility. I just hope that it ends really, really soon.