This blog is just about my life and mostly revolves around my son, Jamie. This blog is a combination of everything, whether it may be a new recipe I tried, a good freebie I found, something funny Jamie said, or feelings I'm having about life in general. There's little rhyme or reason. I'll never win any blogging awards, but I enjoy writing about our lives and I mostly do it for my son. It's so easy to forget moments over the years. I've got all these little tidbits of our life in print and I hope that someday Jamie can enjoy them.

I called this blog Mother of Life, Mother of Loss because of my issues with pregnancy loss and the joy of finally bringing this wonderful person into the world. Truly, I feel the pains of loss, but you won't see too much of that here. I am blessed and I am, above all else, a mother of life.

After all the years of infertility and loss, Matthew and I were blessed with a surprise pregnancy. We were pregnant with twins, but unfortunately, Baby A could not stay with us. Baby B grew into a healthy and happy baby girl that we named Bella Marie. We are so blessed to have two beautiful children.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

I miss the days when your birthday meant that you had no responsibilities, except to open presents, blow out candles, and eat cake. Okay, you might have to deal with a few whacks on the bum for each year.

Yesterday, I constructed a craft project for my husband and baby to do together so Jamie could make me a present. Shhhh, I think I'm getting a pen holder made from a tin can. It's supposed to be a surprise.

Today I baked cupcakes. I still have to ice them. Jamie would be very upset if I didn't have cake for my birthday. I'll dig out his "3" candle and his "2" candle for my age and I'll let him help me blow them out after dinner.

The household chores aren't giving me the day off, either. I've got little boxes that MUST be changed today. I've done most of the laundry already. I need to wash Jamie's Gymboree here shortly. I've got to unload the dishwasher and put in one more load. I have to do the floors, clean the bathrooms, and clean our office. I probably won't get to the office today.

On the bright side, I don't have to cook tonight. My mother-in-law invited us over there for dinner for my birthday. To be honest, she probably has a cake and I could have skipped the cupcakes. I can't be sure, so I won't take any chances. Jamie's already wondering where the balloons are.

I'm not bummed about getting older, or at least not about the age. It's my biological clock that's bugging the crap out of me. I keep trying to accept that I won't be having any more children, but I can't really do it. "Tick-tock, tick-tock. You're running out of time." I have dreams of a house full of kids. How can I just throw that away?

There are definite advantages of having only one child and in some ways I am glad that Jamie will get to reap those benefits. There's more money to spend solely on him. I'll never have to choose which school Christmas party to participate in. There will never be fighting over who gets which seat in the van. He has my undivided love and attention. He's missing out on some things, though. I felt a little tug at my heart as I uploaded pictures from Christmas. Christmas morning looked so lonely in pictures. One solitary little boy opening presents. I guess if you're an only child that doesn't look sad or lonely at all. To me it does. He'll never have a brother or sister to conspire with, turn to when he's mad at Mom and Dad, or play with when he's lonely.

Well, that's enough of that. I didn't mean to post this as a self indulgent pity party. I don't feel sad today. Those thoughts are just routine thoughts that I have. I just meant to post that I wish I didn't have to do any work on my birthday like when I was young. I'm not sure if my husband has anything planned for this evening or not. Heck, I'm not even sure he'll get off work before Jamie's bed time tonight. I'll post what we do along with some picks of Jamie's present for me later.

Here's a picture Jamie brought home from school today to tide you over...

For now, I have some litter boxes that desperately need my attention.

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